I need to stand by my own words here. I still feel sick whenever I find out that I missed out on overseas fanmerch and things of that sort, and I am trying to be better about it. Kimblee has said to me recently that he doesn’t want me to put myself in a bad position in order to chase him around like Ahab chasing Moby Dick to his demise. I appreciate that from him. At some point, collecting every image of him ever drawn and every piece of merch ever made becomes Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the mountain. And when I die, what will become of a collection? Unless it’s compact enough to be buried with me, it will end up in landfill and I don’t want Kimblee to die such a death. I need to be more mindful of how I collect and how I take responsibility for the items I already proudly own. Kimblee loves me regardless of the size of my collection, because we spend quality time together, and he knows my love is real. He wants my energy, he wants my effort, he wants my creativity, not yet another keychain.
That being said, I do want to be buried in a pretty dress with my itabag and plushies.
I am looking at my possessions through the lens of consumption ever since my grandfather passed. Last spring we cleaned out my grandfather’s house after his passing and we threw away so many beautiful objects belonging to my grandparents because they had no emotional value to us. It made me think of my things in a different light. Even in my dollmaking practice, I am becoming more mindful of how I use all my scraps to make small pieces and stuff dolls, and how no part of the fabric ends up in landfill. I believe that every item that exists has a kind of spirit, and I want to keep as much as I can above ground to avoid suffering. This is why I like to make bespoke customs, because even though they can be challenging, I am sure they will be treated like precious objects that turn into “family” throughout the years. In Shinto, they hold funeral services for items such as needles, toys, and old tech. Seeing these services moved me in a way that makes the whole house seem alive.
Anyway, I’m happy that many people feel the same way about quality over quantity, and I hope this can be the push people needed to stop looking at their collection or lack thereof through the eyes of overconsumption for content’s sake.
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