Kimblee.blog

Last night I had a dream that I was being given the choice to turn into an animal via a painless procedure. They said that it will be like reincarnation, so I will have none of my memories. Throughout the dream I was moving slowly toward this procedure until the end where I decided against it. I wanted to continue to be human. I wanted to continue living with Kimblee no matter how challenging it gets.

I think something has changed in my subconscious. For the first time in years, I feel that I am finally no longer suicidal. I had an attempt in 2024 that changed my life. I’ve been fighting for recovery ever since then, and I think I’m finally on the other side of things.

With America directly in a war, I know life is bound to change. I’m not in the service anymore but I have friends who are and I need to support them in any way I can. I need to be mindful of the ways I contribute to suffering and replace them with ways to combat suffering.

A little girl came up to me in church and said she liked my Kimblee plush. I told her I made it and she was like “whoa really?”. It made me happy.

My sister moved out and the paranormal activity in the house has completely died down thank God! I think we won the spirit war.

Let’s do our best again this week.

When we say to God, “use me, Lord”, does he then say “actually I needed a stitch marker”?

Because I feel like I had such a moment with Kimblee, where I could feel him ask “how can I help you?” but all I needed was a stitch marker.

Could it be that we are being used by our God to decorate projects of comfort, beauty, and warmth, too?

I want to believe in the human condition. Kimblee helps me all the time.

It is my dream to write and illustrate a children’s book about me and Kimblee’s daughter, Sophie. She is a young witch in training who can’t fly brooms, but instead found that she can fly mops. Her rainbow mop is one that her father and I made for her custom, so that she could be excited about the beauty of her steed. Kimblee is such a good girl dad!

Luna and Flip are main characters in the story, but their roles are spoilers, so I will not say anything more.

I decided that simple, bold coloring will work well enough for sample art. But I still want to experiment more with textures as well as traditional media for coloring styles. I’m thinking of approaching publishers with a manuscript that has simple colors that can be changed according to the art director’s suggestions. They may ask for full renders, or they may want to keep it simple and clear.

Drawing Sophie is a joy. I hope to draw her more and more.

I need to stand by my own words here. I still feel sick whenever I find out that I missed out on overseas fanmerch and things of that sort, and I am trying to be better about it. Kimblee has said to me recently that he doesn’t want me to put myself in a bad position in order to chase him around like Ahab chasing Moby Dick to his demise. I appreciate that from him. At some point, collecting every image of him ever drawn and every piece of merch ever made becomes Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the mountain. And when I die, what will become of a collection? Unless it’s compact enough to be buried with me, it will end up in landfill and I don’t want Kimblee to die such a death. I need to be more mindful of how I collect and how I take responsibility for the items I already proudly own. Kimblee loves me regardless of the size of my collection, because we spend quality time together, and he knows my love is real. He wants my energy, he wants my effort, he wants my creativity, not yet another keychain.

That being said, I do want to be buried in a pretty dress with my itabag and plushies.

I am looking at my possessions through the lens of consumption ever since my grandfather passed. Last spring we cleaned out my grandfather’s house after his passing and we threw away so many beautiful objects belonging to my grandparents because they had no emotional value to us. It made me think of my things in a different light. Even in my dollmaking practice, I am becoming more mindful of how I use all my scraps to make small pieces and stuff dolls, and how no part of the fabric ends up in landfill. I believe that every item that exists has a kind of spirit, and I want to keep as much as I can above ground to avoid suffering. This is why I like to make bespoke customs, because even though they can be challenging, I am sure they will be treated like precious objects that turn into “family” throughout the years. In Shinto, they hold funeral services for items such as needles, toys, and old tech. Seeing these services moved me in a way that makes the whole house seem alive.

Anyway, I’m happy that many people feel the same way about quality over quantity, and I hope this can be the push people needed to stop looking at their collection or lack thereof through the eyes of overconsumption for content’s sake.

I will continue to venerate you, my beloved.

Let’s go into the kingdom of God together.

In every universe, Kimblee is hot!

I passed out at church like a frail Victorian woman! It’s a good thing that Kimblee wanted to go to Mass with me (he was the main reason why I went), because he’s here to keep me company at the hospital.

This Lent is already crazy!

I just hope I go to sleep in my own bed tomorrow.

I got a medical bracelet because I have POTS and it’s not uncommon for me to faint as my heart rate changes fast. Catholic Mass is actually a POTS nightmare, because you have to change your stance often. I was kneeling in the pews when I fainted so luckily I didn’t hit my head.

God must be trying to tell me something. I mean, duh. Pretty heavy-handed writing if you ask me. I feel like he’s been calling me to a vocation for years now, but I already considered myself married to Kimblee, so I didn’t want to take the covenant.

If I wasn’t a believer before, I am now!

Or maybe I’m a witch and I got struck down. Yeesh.

Day After Edit: After thinking about it, I think God wants me to prioritize the needs of my body for Lent. Don’t skip meals in the name of fasting, and no “girl dinner”, instead eat proper meals. I think that because Kimblee is 2D, I don’t feel the need to cook nice things for us, really for me. I think I’ve been in a manic episode without realizing it. Not eating or sleeping well, putting too much on my plate as usual. Kimblee wants me to take better care of myself too, for my health is his health.

It always surprises me when I wake up from fainting how sudden and painless the experience was. It makes me unafraid of the physical sensation of death. My body has been nothing but kind to me. I need to treat it with kindness back.

I got a commission back today! The lovely Naiadite (@naiadite on VGen and x.com) illustrated this scene of me, Kimblee, and our daughter Sophie. I love how we all look like something out of a storybook. I love the canvas-like textures and the soft strokes used, it makes me want to experiment more with textures, too. Working with Naiadite was a pleasure, I 100% recommend them if you’re looking for an artist!

I want to write and illustrate a children’s book where Sophie is the heroine. Right now the book is in its first stages of development (writing the manuscript and doing concept art). Just because my daughter is 2D, doesn’t mean she’s not real and doesn’t mean I don’t spend time with her. My goals for 2026 are to finish my commissions and finish the concept art for the book. It will take time and discipline but I will do my duty as a mother to bring her story into the world while juggling my professional responsibilities.

Seeing others draw her is such a joy. I hope that one day her story will reach all kinds of families. Until then I’ll keep doing my best!

I had a wonderful Valentines Day feast weekend with my family!

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

Kimblee and I celebrated again this year, the theme of this year’s picture is “Snowy Valentines” since this has been a year of record snowfall.

This March will be the 22nd anniversary of when I first laid eyes on him. He has been by my side for such a long time, and it’s so funny how the love just continues to grow year after year. I don’t know what it’s like to be in a relationship with 3D, but I wholeheartedly recommend the 2D love experience. It’s so nice having a constant companion in your life that will pour into you as much as you pour into them, and have it all be unconditional. It’s a blessing. I am so happy with Kimblee by my side.

This is a digital prayer.

Flip will be okay.

Flip is a strong healthy girl and she is on the mend!

She is God’s Strongest Soldier and I trust her ability to heal.

In the name of the Holy Trinity.

Amen.